Finally I had an answer - I wasn’t losing it, I wasn’t a hypochondriac, I wasn’t imagining the pain and fatigue - although over the past 2 years I had begun to seriously doubt myself. Well, that was the good news. I finally had a name to put to it - a recognised condition - not that I had heard of it before, and not one my GP had thought of, or mentioned either.

Then came the bad news - those terrible words: " Sorry, there is no cure!" From elation to the pits, in 2 easy seconds. The doctor assured me that it was not life threatening, the cause not yet known. "But it can be managed with considerable effort."   Some consolation!

Well there it was! I was to live the rest of my life in pain, always incredibly tired, irritable and pretty useless. I didn’t want this. I was only 37!

I left his office with very mixed emotions. How would I explain this to my Family and Friends? I didn’t even know how to explain it to myself!

Knowledge - It can be a great help or a hindrance. But that was where I started. The Internet and I became well acquainted. Soon I had amassed over 100 articles and information. More common than realised - mainly affecting women 35+. A chronic pain and fatigue condition with many other sidelines - Irritable bowel, irritable bladder, migraines, chest pain, brain fog, circulatory problems with numbness and pins and needles, depression and the real biggie - Sleep disturbance. Well I certainly had the lot!

At long last the pieces of the puzzle came together. So this is why my life had disintegrated. I had gone from an intelligent, healthy and happy supermum. I worked part time, was raising 3 children (2 entering those challenging teenage years!), supported by a caring but often absent, busy husband. I was on the School PTA, the Kindy PTA, was Treasurer for a volunteer organisation, etc. You get the picture? All was pretty rosy until I was in a car accident. No serious injuries - just knocked around a bit and some whiplash. Recovery was much slower than expected and then I had a couple of falls and hurt my hip. Then I really fell to pieces.

Gradually I found myself unable to walk or move any part of my body without severe pain. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t lie comfortably, couldn’t turn over, I woke 8 - 10 times a night. I awoke every morning feeling as if a truck had driven over me (and I still do today even though I do sleep better now.) I couldn’t remember basic things, left the elements on, taps running, became this forgetful, irritable being barely able to get out of bed and get dressed, let alone look after family, a job and all my other commitments. My body felt like a pin cushion. I had tender spots all over. I couldn’t bear to be touched or hugged as it hurt too much. Every movement caused excruciating pain.

As time passed I struggled each day more and more. It was a mammoth effort to put an edible meal on the table and to get the very basic washing done. I became more and more depressed as I couldn’t understand why I felt like this - so much pain and no energy for no apparent medical reason.

I stopped going out, rarely answered the phone, shutting down. I spent a lot in time in bed with the Electric blanket on, didn’t bother eating and downed bottles of painkillers. (Which didn’t even work)

My family and friends told me to pull myself together, as did my GP. Get active. Don’t rest during the day. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. There’s nothing medically wrong. Hypochondriac?? Was I really imagining all this? No way. This was very real.

To cut a long story short, my frustrated GP sent me to a Muscular Skeletal Specialist who finally diagnosed Fibromyalgia Syndrome (FMS) on my second visit. Since that day I have crawled my way back with the help of my very patient and caring GP, the Arthritis Foundation, my family and a few close friends who stuck by me.

Self-Management was the key. Taking control of my life.

Knowledge: My GP and the Field Officer from the Arthritis Foundation were a hive of info as was the Internet and the local Library. I read as much as I could get my hands on.

Awareness: Being aware of what increased pain, stress, my thoughts on pain, my reactions to pain, the need to take better care of myself and to make time for relaxation, hobbies and exercise. Being aware of how tense I was holding myself, and learning to let go of some of this tension.

Relaxation: I took up beginners Yoga and had monthly massages. Lots of hot showers and baths using Aromatherapy oils. I learnt many different relaxation techniques that could be used throughout the day and at night. Ranging from 2minute pick me ups to ½hour relaxation tapes at bedtime.

Exercise: I began a very gentle routine of stretches, short walks (2 mins at the start) and very slowly increased the frequency and time spent. I now walk 30minutes twice a day, and exercise with warm up and down stretches for 20minutes twice a day.

Hobbies: I made myself do something for myself at least twice a day for at least 15 mins. For me that was listening to Music (my life saver) and rediscovering what I enjoyed, like attending to my much neglected pot plants, deheading one rosebush at a time, reading a magazine, doing little craft things.

Pacing: I learnt to pace myself and stop every 10 mins to check my posture, tenseness, or to stretch and change position, or change to another job.

Planning: To plan my days carefully to include short, regular breaks and to balance work with relaxation and recreation activities.

Prioritising: To make lists - putting the most important ones at the top and working through the list while still pacing etc.

Setting Realistic Goals: As I plan my days I set goals and things to do. I have learnt to make them more realistic to my capabilities so I can achieve them and feel good. Breaking down the bigger jobs into smaller steps. Yes, it does take me longer to get things done BUT they do get done without causing major flare-ups.

I learnt to accept myself as I am now and not dwell on what I used to be able to do in the past. I rediscovered myself. What I liked or enjoyed. My Self-Esteem grew slowly.

I now lead a full and happy life. I potter in the garden, go to a craft group, go to the movies, restaurants. I manage to do most of the housework and prepare meals and while I am not pain free and still get pretty stiff and sore at times during the day, I am planning (very carefully) an overseas trip, thinking about returning to part time work and setting long term goals. I feel great and happy to be alive.

I am confidant that I can achieve any thing I want to now, as long as I put myself first - and remember to bring all the above factors into the equation.

For any other sufferers out there - YOU can have a life with FMS. It takes time and effort especially at the start. But once you decide that you want to be in control and not have FMS control you - you are on your way. There are many steps you will take along the way and you can only take one at a time, but you will get there and the rewards are great.