One of life's mysteries
is
how a 2 pound box of candy
can
make a woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders,
it
sometimes leaves completely.
The best way to forget all your troubles
is
to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town
is
that when you don't know what you're doing,
someone
else does.
The older you get,
the
tougher it is to lose weight
because
by
then,
your
body and your fat are really good friends!
Just when I was getting used to yesterday,
along
came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything,
then
I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health
when
my thighs kept
rubbing together
and
setting my pantyhose on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet
for
a while and it shrinks two sizes!
Skinny people irritate me!
especially
when they say things like,
"You
know, sometimes I just forget to eat."
Now I've forgotten my address,
my
mother's maiden name, and my keys,
but
I've never forgotten to eat.
You
have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to
eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium
with
her birth control pills.
